so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
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