There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
