I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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