he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Randomize
