She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
