my being single is dangerous.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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