he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
