6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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