The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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