I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
