im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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