i think my tv is drunk
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
