This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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