I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
