can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
