we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
