what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
