um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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