Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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