It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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