I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
