drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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