I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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