did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
