He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
