I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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