Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I have aggressive nipples.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
