What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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