Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You need Xanax blowdarts
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
