I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
