hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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