Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
