I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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