so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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