I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
