all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
