does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
