and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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