Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
