her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
