HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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