We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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