just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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