I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
