I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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