based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
