Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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