My sheets look like a crime scene.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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