How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
