I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol