Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.