if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial