That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
