Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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