Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
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something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
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When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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