i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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