I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
