i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
