i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Still dying that you shit outside
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
