Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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