Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
