i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
