i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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