You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
