Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
