I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
