you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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