she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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