C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
