I'm lost and stupid without you.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
