Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
