Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
