He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
