i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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