No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
