Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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