yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
