so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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