and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
